The Voice and the Lump
My Breast Cancer Story (Part 1 of 3)
This photo is me. I was 38 years old with a 1-year-old baby. And I didn’t know it yet… but I had stage 3, triple negative breast cancer.
Me (Bree) with my 1-year old daughter dressed up as avocado toast (Fall 2022)
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month AND Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month — two causes that touch my life in profound ways.
Life After a Sixth Miscarriage and a New Baby
In the fall of 2022, I had a beautiful 1-year-old daughter, a loving supportive husband, and an exciting new executive role. On the outside my life probably looked like a dream. But a few months earlier, I had endured my sixth miscarriage (a story for another time) that landed me in the hospital.
After that experience I was determined to live life in health and balance… for my daughter, for my husband, for my team, and for myself. I ate super healthy, tried to work out every day, stayed present with loved ones, and grounded myself every morning in what I believed, valued, and wanted to represent in the world.
Yet despite my best efforts, I found myself sinking into the darkest depression I had ever experienced.
Depression and Feeling Alone as a New Mom
Each morning, the simple act of getting out of bed felt insurmountable. It was sheer determination — driven by my sense of duty to my daughter and my job — that got me up each day. Night after night, I would cry myself to sleep, dreading the thought of facing another day.
Guilt weighed heavily on me… had my husband and I brought a daughter into this world just so she could one day feel the way I was feeling?
Before this chapter in my life, I had never truly understood depression. Now, I was living in the depths of it. Neither my husband, Neil, nor I knew how to pull me out of the nightmare.
Searching for Help… and Finding None
I sought out doctors, but the ones I could get in to see quickly just glanced at me and said “What drug do you want to be on?”
That response baffled me. I assumed that before jumping into medication, we should first understand why I felt this way and what needed to change. How was I supposed to know what medication to take? What were the side effects? Was it worth it? Would it mask an underlying issue? Would it make things worse?
I reached out to my OBGYN, but she explained that she was legally unable to offer me the help I needed, handing me a postcard with an email address that promised a twenty-four-hour response time. I emailed, twice. No reply.
I turned to my church, meeting with two compassionate pastors who tried to connect me with a Christian psychologist. I also reached out to her, twice. No reply.
We sought emergency resources my husband had access to through the military. However, the therapist we were assigned seemed overwhelmed by the depth of my distress and unable to help.
I felt incredibly alone.
Hitting Rock Bottom
I had always been someone who was driven, determined, and focused on finding solutions. Yet for the first time in my life, I was the one desperately in need of help. I needed any kind of insight or guidance to pull me out of the hole I was in.
No matter where I turned, doors kept slamming in my face.
Finally, after several months of this constant struggle, one night while my husband put our daughter to sleep, I found myself alone and consumed by misery in our bathroom.
I had reached the bottom of the barrel. I had no more human avenues to turn to for help. I had exhausted all my options and still found no answers.
The Moment That Changed Everything
For those who have read my book, Your Elite Energy, in chapter 4 I share the foundation of my personal Elite Energy™ system — my faith. In that moment of utter desperation, I turned to it. Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I cried out…
“God, what is wrong with me?”
In the silence, I actually heard an answer…
“Do a breast check.”
How a Voice and a Breast Self-Exam Saved My Life
Before this moment, I had never personally focused on doing breast checks. My primary care physician or OBGYN conducted them during my annual visits. I had no history of breast cancer in my family, so it was never something that was top of mind. I was also thirty-eight years old at the time… too young to even qualify for a mammogram. I had physicals and assessments over the previous year, especially after having my baby, and no one had found anything unusual.
In that moment, as I stood there crying and staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, I listened to that voice. I did a breast self-exam…
And I found a lump.
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Adapted from Your Elite Energy, Chapter 11 by Bree Bacon (me!). Used with permission.
